The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
