Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
