oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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