to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
