my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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