apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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