i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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