I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
