I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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