I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
