Can i not drive my cunt home
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
