who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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