I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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