For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
