I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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