I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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