All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
