I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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