Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
