The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
