so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
