your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just want to make out with him forever
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
