im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
