Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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