NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
