What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
