I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
