K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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