I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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