Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
