I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
