He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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