Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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