If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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