My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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