it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
