I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
