on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
soo... how was my night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
