i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
