he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Randomize
