im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
