Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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