Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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