Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
