Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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