she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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