cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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