If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
