found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
