WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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